Man with a Gun

a man with a gun
creates a world of trauma
a man with a gun locks down a family homeless shelter,
evacuates an apartment building before the residents can get their clothes on,
causes children to hide underneath their desks at school
a man with a gun makes
going to a movie theatre
buying food at the grocery store
and working at a spa
seem like entering a battlefield
everything is a risk
because men with guns
feel powerful
their inadequacy runs so deep
they must take the lives of others
to feel an ounce of strength
meanwhile we let our children
become saturated in a world of virtual murder
we treat our wars like holy mandates
we numb ourselves from feeling the pain of our neighbors
we make light of tragedy in an effort to just get to the next day
they say that “law-abiding citizens” are worthy of
carrying, we hope that they will protect us
when the time comes
I have no answers but I do have questions
It seems we are destined to live in a world
where trust is elusive
and if we were to find it
It would be taken advantage of
It seems that even the systems that
are set-up to protect us
are out to get us
because behind the closed doors of church buildings
there is a man lurking
and at the precinct
there is someone abusing
For wherever there is power in the hands
of humanity there is corruption
and if it’s not intentional,
It’s in the form of half-assing;
someone’s lack of empathy leading
To another’s demise
It’s a strange thing to believe in
The divinity of human kind
while simultaneously losing hope
and letting go of every certainty
maybe this is just my grief speaking,
or maybe this is my declaration
to say that I still believe we need saving
but the saving must be a comprehensive effort
not entirely our own
not entirely the job of a far off God
maybe we could meet in the middle?
maybe it looks like laying down our weapons
and carrying each other’s burdens
an inhale of introspection
how can I love better?
my words must not be bent to claim
that this is the fault of one soul
or the fate of our whole world,
but can there be a balance between
pointing our fingers and taking responsibility?
when everything seems out of hand
where should I pick up and start again?

centuries-old

oh my, my head is spinning in circles
my sanity splitting at the seams
how is it that I am caught off guard
by horror stories from centuries
Ago, I am still in shock by the state
of this world

how do we believe
that there is any good in us
after hanging and killing and
humiliating and terrorizing
other existing people made up
of the same skin and bones
the same flesh and eyelashes,
fingernails, look at our individuality
only to say we are all the same

pigment and preference, and
uncertainties aside we are built up of
matter and doubt, of intricacies and
I will not ever allow my senses
to be numbed by the endless
noise, it’s so loud here!

Can’t get my mind right,
and on my drive home I started to think
of my heartbreak as a luxury,
a luxury that I once had –
to love and to be loved
And this exit from relations
is not intended to be my demise
I looked into the homeless man’s eyes
And I saw myself reflected
I can’t stand it
I can’t stand it

Oh god, how do I handle
the weight of this world and the
seemingly hopeless situations
looking back on our scars as a nation
and peering forward within the repetition
of history but I am so small within
the greatness of tragedies and
any peace that I’ve ever known
had to have been false or holy
there is no getting around it

I let these words shape my anxieties
into a solidified form
and although my ramblings will never
gather this disorder into
a frame, I can let the letters
slip through my misunderstandings
and let these notions go for
a moment, just to find my way
back above water

There is more that I have got to say,
there are more exclamations and
my lungs plead for a break although
I am sitting in silence
they feel the strain of the marrow
within me and they cry out
for an escape

Let me tell you it just keeps on going,
and the incidents aren’t ever revoked
or erased but only eradicated in the minds
that wander in the evening and will never
know rest while still breathing
I am alive and healing
all while being hurt and misconceiving
all while being broken to believing