everything within me wants to claim its independence
independent guilt, independent belief, independent love and anger
everything within me wants to spill out onto this carpeted floor
wants to let go of hope and faith and all things good
everything within me wants to crawl up from the bottom of my spine,
make you change your mind,
so exhausted from these tragic feelings, gathering up in spite of my will to be joyous
everything within me wants to spend, spend all time all effort
I cannot continue to live like this
cannot continue to watch my life drown like this
for weeks now I have felt that same thing lingering,
like a scar I cannot shake
I stumble over these thoughts like pages in a book needed to be read, but never understood
can you understand me now?
can you see my estranged hands pulling and pulling on the outskirts of
these hopeful encounters and inspiring images
trying to squeeze the life out of them,
swallow the last drops of redemption and
soak up any goodness left

pressed by time and duty
i can handle no responsibility
again and again i have met myself here,
this place lacking cooperation and
everything within me wants to pour into a glass
gathered and together, finally.. at last.