centuries-old

oh my, my head is spinning in circles
my sanity splitting at the seams
how is it that I am caught off guard
by horror stories from centuries
Ago, I am still in shock by the state
of this world

how do we believe
that there is any good in us
after hanging and killing and
humiliating and terrorizing
other existing people made up
of the same skin and bones
the same flesh and eyelashes,
fingernails, look at our individuality
only to say we are all the same

pigment and preference, and
uncertainties aside we are built up of
matter and doubt, of intricacies and
I will not ever allow my senses
to be numbed by the endless
noise, it’s so loud here!

Can’t get my mind right,
and on my drive home I started to think
of my heartbreak as a luxury,
a luxury that I once had –
to love and to be loved
And this exit from relations
is not intended to be my demise
I looked into the homeless man’s eyes
And I saw myself reflected
I can’t stand it
I can’t stand it

Oh god, how do I handle
the weight of this world and the
seemingly hopeless situations
looking back on our scars as a nation
and peering forward within the repetition
of history but I am so small within
the greatness of tragedies and
any peace that I’ve ever known
had to have been false or holy
there is no getting around it

I let these words shape my anxieties
into a solidified form
and although my ramblings will never
gather this disorder into
a frame, I can let the letters
slip through my misunderstandings
and let these notions go for
a moment, just to find my way
back above water

There is more that I have got to say,
there are more exclamations and
my lungs plead for a break although
I am sitting in silence
they feel the strain of the marrow
within me and they cry out
for an escape

Let me tell you it just keeps on going,
and the incidents aren’t ever revoked
or erased but only eradicated in the minds
that wander in the evening and will never
know rest while still breathing
I am alive and healing
all while being hurt and misconceiving
all while being broken to believing