Great

I once wanted to be great,
and here I am in this position
to decide for myself and breathe on my own
and pick up my arms like bags of skin and bones

I once wanted to be free
and here I am waiting with the water
up to my knees

And these are the to-do lists that will make up my entirety
oh, I’ve got worries- worried to the brim of my heart and conscience
but I once wanted to be great and to be free

And if this is not free, then what is?
if freedom does not taste like the world on your lips
like travel and new beginnings
if freedom does not smell like summertime and Sundays
then freedom must not be what I wanted to begin with

I won’t always be free- it will go thin and thick but
I will always know joy- sometimes as my heart knows it and others like a distant friend..
but tell me this,
is joy not when you can laugh
deep, unheard of smile
deep, washed to the core I am
joyful

These declarations might seem shallow
but for so long I’ve been bound up by my sorrow
and I am still
sorrowful
but the difference now is joy
there is a difference between sorrow with joy
and sorrow with sadness
sorrowful sadness that tastes bitter and sweet,
falsely identified like sugar in a faded box of candies

And there are a thousand decisions that I have not yet made
and a thousand more that I will hate
but I know now that these things are temporary and for some reason my mind cannot stray
too far from eternity

I once wanted to be great
and the sky that has now been broken by rain
the sun that has furrowed and frowned on its golden face
has brought to me again
this desire to be great
and to be near to Greatness
and to be in love with vitality
to be in love with living
to be in love with words and language
to be in love with company
to be in love with solitude
to be in love with rhythm set to lyrics and altered by voice
to be in love with creating and making
to be in love with freedom

I’ve always wanted to be great
not for heightened pride, not for praise
only to know in my deepest thought
that there is passion and meaningful living
within my feet, bag of bones
stitched together like a puzzle,
and when one has been made for greatness
how could we want anything other than to be
full, and whole, and together

Let my lips speak life,
let my heart know worth
let my desires be pure
let my hope be held together
by this greatness

I once wanted
to be great