more and more and more

I knew the days would become long,
when I desired them to be short and the nights
would become a canvas for anxieties and to-do lists

I knew the time would run too quickly,
even when i begged, “slow down, slow”

Now I’m waiting for my time,
for desires to turn into decisions and
dreams to reality
and potential to finale
Now I’m holding on to sanity,
like a child clutching a sad stringed balloon
but I am not meant for weakness
when I realize the truth
only in my morality am I alone
only in my world am I abandoned

and you who said there are better things to live for,

you’re wrong
and you who said,
that I didn’t know what I was striving for,
you might be right

unending words,
tied together by fish hooks
take the hand of a devil

red skin and emptiness,
take the hand of a savior
soul mysterious, with round eyes

Even with my knowledge of the upcoming change,
I couldn’t have anticipated the sinking sorrow
I couldn’t have guessed the nearness of
tomorrow
and the next

books and citrus,
curling papers and crinkling toes
vinyl records and burnt passions
this life is made up of perception and music
spoken in conversation,

drained by temptation
to live “normally”

more and more and more,
it’s not enough for me, no

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