warm day in november

slowly becoming myself again,

realizing the gratitude i hold for these contrasts.

what the highs and the lows make you love,

what the darks and the lights emphasize.

this is not the place to say all that i am thinking,

all that i have learned..

but i will tell you one thing, my god is forgiving.

i deal with a disabling compassion that i am attempting to come to terms with,

and how grateful i am for second chances, for the mountaintop after the valley, for the seasons of life that never fail to bring hope if you look in the right place.

i am in a valley now, and this time i’ve put myself here,

but soon, with strength that is not my own, i could be on the mountaintop.

it’s not about being comfortable, nor is it ever fully comfortable, but it is about battling the discomfort to find peace.

strange the way my mind works and the way our hearts process emotions, sometimes so cold and raw, others warm like this day in november and soft.

so now that i am on this side of it all, and i’ve felt the wholeness of the regret that comes when you hurt someone other than yourself, i can say that although right now i am confused and in a valley so low there will be a mountaintop waiting as long as i endure the climb.

i can’t tell how steep it all is as of now, and that’s the worst part, but it is not my responsibility to slice the future into perfect measurements of time and space, it is my responsibility to get back up and try again.

these simple words bring comfort, but they are not enough.

these distractions are barely noticeable with the constant pull of my conscience.

but days go by and seasons do too, and maybe you’ll understand this truth.

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