abuse is such a small word with an innumerable amount of definitions-
walking on thin ice, swimming in hot water, running on broken glass.
this rain has got me thinking, and like the flooding, my emotions powerfully flood me,
it’s what takes place in the quiet households, what is said in between the cracks of closed doors, and what is taught by those who do wrong. but it doesn’t stop there, it spreads like a cancerous disease- disables like a broken bone and distorts like a concave mirror. my metaphors and similes can’t get me where i want to be, there are countless aspects of this life, i often refer to “this life” because what i am thinking cannot be contained upon a page. the impact i feel when thoughts collect in my mind is stronger than this rain pounding the concrete roads, the impact reaches my heart and i am possessed by the constant compassion within me, i’ve become obsessed with certain things.
i could begin to speak of my weaknesses yet again but here i find the reason not to: “My grace is enough; it’s all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness.”
i could recite my anxieties, the impending doom i often am blinded by, and the depth of my worried soul.. but what good am i then? “He listened so intently as I laid out my case before Him. Death stared me in the face, hell was hard on my heels. Up against it, I didn’t know which way to turn; then i called out to God for help… God is gracious- it is he who makes things right, our most compassionate God. God takes the side of the helpless; when I was at the end of my rope, he saved me.”
i could continue to search for my purpose in this desolate world but here i find a better option: “You’re here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth.”
i say this not to lift myself up but to remain true to the actuality of this season of my life, because i am overwhelmed. i must remind myself that this is no longer a weight i must carry alone.
how can i end this passage? because i’m running out of things to say that will make any sense at all. i began this with the intention of relieving my heavy heart of it’s incongruities and instead i’ve created more. i’ll have to end this openly with a conclusion far ahead, where do i go from here?